Tell a joke

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ej400
Posts: 2867
Joined: September 24th, 2014, 10:26 am
Location: Minnesota

Post by ej400 » March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

lymiewithpurpose
Posts: 2185
Joined: January 18th, 2019, 6:26 pm

Post by lymiewithpurpose » March 1st, 2019, 9:20 am

ej400 wrote:
March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.
<groan> :roll:
Campbell
pronouns: they/them

IIparrkerrII
Posts: 5
Joined: January 28th, 2019, 6:39 am

Post by IIparrkerrII » March 1st, 2019, 11:22 am

What do you call a body builder with epilepsy?















Beef jerky

SonOfTheExiles
Posts: 2437
Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post by SonOfTheExiles » July 9th, 2019, 3:43 pm

I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
"Sorry, my tongue got in the way of my eye-tooth, and I couldn't see what I was saying..."

Come and assist Doctor Pangloss instruct the Baron in the proper use of his conjugals and declensions in our new play "The Heir At Law"

maxgal
Posts: 956
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal » November 18th, 2020, 9:10 am

ej400 wrote:
March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.
:lol:

The version I've heard is:
"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it." :lol:
Last edited by maxgal on November 18th, 2020, 9:17 am, edited 1 time in total.
Louise
"every little breeze..."

maxgal
Posts: 956
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal » November 18th, 2020, 9:11 am

SonOfTheExiles wrote:
July 9th, 2019, 3:43 pm
I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
This is now one of "my" jokes.
Louise
"every little breeze..."

maxgal
Posts: 956
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal » November 18th, 2020, 9:16 am

Here's one for all those word nerds (we know who we are):

The past, the present, and the future met in a bar.
It was tense.

(p.s. -- or in a cafe, or in a restaurant, or on a desert island and wearing masks and properly socially distanced)
Louise
"every little breeze..."

maxgal
Posts: 956
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal » November 18th, 2020, 3:16 pm

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipers who sold their souls to Santa?
Louise
"every little breeze..."

maxgal
Posts: 956
Joined: June 8th, 2019, 10:24 am

Post by maxgal » November 18th, 2020, 3:22 pm

A guy walks into a saloon and sits at the end of the bar.
On the bar are bowls of the usual salty snacks, peanuts, chips, etc.
The bartender brings him his drink and steps away.
The guy hears a voice say, "Nice tie."
He looks around and sees no one but the bartender at the other end of the bar.
He then hears a voice say, "I like your shirt, too."
He looks around again and sees no one but the bartender.
He calls the bartender over and says, "Look, I don't see anyone else here, but I could swear I just heard someone say, "Nice tie," and "I like your shirt, too."
The bartender smiles and says, "Oh, those are complimentary peanuts."
Louise
"every little breeze..."

SonOfTheExiles
Posts: 2437
Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post by SonOfTheExiles » January 1st, 2021, 8:29 pm

Under the new casual-dress code, Lenin’s conservators will henceforth be using informaldehyde.

Cheers,
Chris
"Sorry, my tongue got in the way of my eye-tooth, and I couldn't see what I was saying..."

Come and assist Doctor Pangloss instruct the Baron in the proper use of his conjugals and declensions in our new play "The Heir At Law"

mightyfelix
LibriVox Admin Team
Posts: 7857
Joined: August 7th, 2016, 6:39 pm

Post by mightyfelix » January 1st, 2021, 8:41 pm

When do event planners have fun?
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Occasionally.

SonOfTheExiles
Posts: 2437
Joined: December 20th, 2013, 1:14 am
Location: Sydney, Australia

Post by SonOfTheExiles » January 29th, 2021, 3:31 am

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.
"Sorry, my tongue got in the way of my eye-tooth, and I couldn't see what I was saying..."

Come and assist Doctor Pangloss instruct the Baron in the proper use of his conjugals and declensions in our new play "The Heir At Law"

realisticspeakers
Posts: 1812
Joined: December 6th, 2010, 5:15 pm

Post by realisticspeakers » January 29th, 2021, 7:13 pm

SonOfTheExiles wrote:
January 29th, 2021, 3:31 am
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.
An electron walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The electron says, "I'm trying to come out of my shell."
Truth exists for the wise, Beauty for a feeling heart: They belong to each other. - Beethoven
Disclaimer:
"Kind reader, if this our performance doth in aught fall short of promise, blame not our good intent, but our unperfect wit."

Bookworm360
Posts: 492
Joined: December 25th, 2017, 11:23 pm
Location: Royal Palace, Spritiworld

Post by Bookworm360 » February 2nd, 2021, 9:54 am

Trying to get online at my mother-in-law’s, I scrolled through various internet access names. One neighbor’s really stood out: “You kids get off my LAN!” (Note:this has not really happened to me)
2 Timothy 1:7. Look it up.
Check out these projects:
Understood Betsy(Dramatic Reading)
Works of the Right Hon. Edmund Burke
DR scene & story collection, vol.3 (PL Wanted)

DeonEva
Posts: 4
Joined: February 2nd, 2021, 3:27 am

Post by DeonEva » February 4th, 2021, 3:03 am

I have some jokes that are so bad they actually get good ...
enjoy :mrgreen:
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssshh.
What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.
What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the galaxy.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.

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