Tell a joke

ej400 · Post by **ej400** » March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

lymiewithpurpose · Post by **lymiewithpurpose** » March 1st, 2019, 9:20 am

ej400 wrote: ↑
March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

<groan>

IIparrkerrII · Post by **IIparrkerrII** » March 1st, 2019, 11:22 am

What do you call a body builder with epilepsy?

Beef jerky

SonOfTheExiles · Post by **SonOfTheExiles** » July 9th, 2019, 3:43 pm

I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.

maxgal · Post by **maxgal** » November 18th, 2020, 9:10 am

ej400 wrote: ↑
March 1st, 2019, 9:17 am
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducked.

The version I've heard is:
"Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think the second one would have seen it."

maxgal · Post by **maxgal** » November 18th, 2020, 9:11 am

SonOfTheExiles wrote: ↑
July 9th, 2019, 3:43 pm
I dream of a world where a chicken can cross the road without having its motives questioned.

This is now one of "my" jokes.

maxgal · Post by **maxgal** » November 18th, 2020, 9:16 am

Here's one for all those word nerds (we know who we are):

The past, the present, and the future met in a bar.
It was tense.

(p.s. -- or in a cafe, or in a restaurant, or on a desert island and wearing masks and properly socially distanced)

maxgal · Post by **maxgal** » November 18th, 2020, 3:16 pm

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipers who sold their souls to Santa?

maxgal · Post by **maxgal** » November 18th, 2020, 3:22 pm

A guy walks into a saloon and sits at the end of the bar.
On the bar are bowls of the usual salty snacks, peanuts, chips, etc.
The bartender brings him his drink and steps away.
The guy hears a voice say, "Nice tie."
He looks around and sees no one but the bartender at the other end of the bar.
He then hears a voice say, "I like your shirt, too."
He looks around again and sees no one but the bartender.
He calls the bartender over and says, "Look, I don't see anyone else here, but I could swear I just heard someone say, "Nice tie," and "I like your shirt, too."
The bartender smiles and says, "Oh, those are complimentary peanuts."

SonOfTheExiles · Post by **SonOfTheExiles** » January 1st, 2021, 8:29 pm

Under the new casual-dress code, Lenin’s conservators will henceforth be using informaldehyde.

Cheers,
Chris

Post by **mightyfelix** » January 1st, 2021, 8:41 pm

When do event planners have fun?
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Occasionally.

SonOfTheExiles · Post by **SonOfTheExiles** » January 29th, 2021, 3:31 am

What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

realisticspeakers · Post by **realisticspeakers** » January 29th, 2021, 7:13 pm

SonOfTheExiles wrote: ↑
January 29th, 2021, 3:31 am
What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion?

One electron.

An electron walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

The electron says, "I'm trying to come out of my shell."

Bookworm360 · Post by **Bookworm360** » February 2nd, 2021, 9:54 am

Trying to get online at my mother-in-law’s, I scrolled through various internet access names. One neighbor’s really stood out: “You kids get off my LAN!” (Note:this has not really happened to me)

DeonEva · Post by **DeonEva** » February 4th, 2021, 3:03 am

I have some jokes that are so bad they actually get good ...
enjoy

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work? A can't opener.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
I like to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fssshh.
What did one dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
I used to hate facial hair but then it grew on me.
It's hard to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They take things so literally.
What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.
What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the galaxy.
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.