I am finding this story very interesting. Here are few things we need to work on:
At the beginning you need only .5 to one second of silence. You have over one second and quite a bit of noise before you start speaking.
2:56 as he walked away from his ancestral mansion;
You said as he walked along from his ancestral mansion;
3:16.5 A stumble with the word “and
3:25.5 though one imposed by the sense of duty;
You said though only imposed by the sense of duty
4:47.5 but the Strand
You said but the Stare-and
Strand is Pronounced like Stand with an 'r'.
8:37 When he thought of all the social solecisms likely to occur in this state of incognito
you said stoicisms
9:11 The reading just before 9:11 has an extra sound. Maybe an 'a' starting Anarchism then waiting and saying the whole word? Than sound should be deleted.
10:14 Not necessary to change unless you want to: Kant
is pronounced like “Want”.
17:09 when they
had reached the shade of the long avenue you said: when you have reached the shade of the long avenue
20:24 hurriedly said the mimic
This whole phrase is mumbled and lost.
21:32 who asked me to be the intermediary between the profession
stumble on intermediary
23:30 it is a wave that rolls incessantly over the London beach
; You added a 'but
' at the beginning of the phrase.
25:34.5 It is always what lies behind the scenes that will for ever
you said It is always what lies behind the senses that will for ever
25:48 amusements of every descriptions,
Stumble on amusements
25:55.5 but the wearied toilers have only the routine of an eventless existence; Eventless
And the volume is 92.7 which is above LV standards. If you could cut it by about 3 dB it would be great.
You can cut half a second off of the end.